At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
