So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
