the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So. Much. Porn.
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