You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
