I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize