how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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