I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
