Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize