I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
