Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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