Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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