I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
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