just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
