dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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