Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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