I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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