As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
