Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
oh god the rape fog is back!
I cannot find my penis.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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