apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
