It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
