She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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