I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
