love makes seman taste better
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
