he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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