you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
