Where is the hickey?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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