i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
this is an emotional support booty call
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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