I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
