areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
