ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
