you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i can't believe i had my finger in that
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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