I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
