I got chris browned last night
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Apparently you make a good broom.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
