Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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