If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
