and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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