I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
