plz talk dirty to me
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize