I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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