I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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