There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
