Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish you could order shots online.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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