So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
