I think i peed on brittanys purse
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
