So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
