Where did you get a picture of my penis
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
