you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
