dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
