so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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