he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
