So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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