If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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