Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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