you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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