weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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