ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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