Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
