I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
