Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
