Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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