I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Everything about him screamed your future.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize