my mouth tastes like poor choices
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
