he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
