I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
