I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
