so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
