started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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