you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
