he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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