You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
