Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
