We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
