he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
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